Grief is such a personal experience—there’s no one way to go through it. Whether you’re navigating your own loss or trying to support a grieving person, it can feel like a lot to carry. We’re here for you, offering a safe, compassionate space where you can feel seen, heard, and supported, no matter how messy or complicated things feel.

You might just be stepping into grief, or maybe it’s been part of your life for a while now. Either way, there’s no right or wrong way to feel. If you’re curious about the stages of grief, they can sometimes help you make sense of what’s happening, but they aren’t rules to follow. Wherever you are—angry, sad, confused, or something else entirely—we’re here to walk alongside you, ready to hold space for it all.

What is Grief?

Grief is love’s way of honoring what’s been lost, and it’s unique to everyone. There’s no “right” way to feel or heal, and it’s okay to move through it at your own pace. Each emotion, from sadness to longing, is valid and deserves gentle care.

Healing doesn’t mean letting go—it means carrying love with you as you find your way forward. Be kind to yourself, listen to what you need, and remember that your journey is a reflection of the deep connection you’ve experienced.

Making Space For Many Types of Grief

There are seasons of life when memories and connections can bring out feelings of grief in many ways. This can look different for everyone, so it’s helpful to remember that we all may experience grief differently and identify with a type of grief unique to our life story. This may be new grief from a recent event or mourning something that arises from the past, and all of it is okay. 

There is also disenfranchised grief that is not readily understood or accepted by society such as the loss of a pet, divorce, or infertility among many other examples.

A few ways grief may arise in you or those around you:

• Missing someone you’ve lost (whether they've passed or fallen out of your life)

• Feeling the weight of unmet expectations or “what could have been”

• Navigating complicated relationships (distance, conflict, or estrangement)

• Struggling with personal challenges (health, finances, significant transitions, job loss)

• Longing for traditions or celebrations from the past

• Wrestling with societal pressures to make everything “perfect”

• Feeling the heaviness of collective grief (from global or societal events)

• Losing a version of yourself that you once identified with

Taking a moment to notice the ways grief can be experienced helps us all move into a place of being gentle with ourselves and the people we love. Sometimes, just naming what you’re experiencing can bring a little relief or a sense of being seen.

What Are the Seven Stages of Grief?

1. Shock and Denial

Grief can take a long time to cope with or even understand fully. Feeling numb or in disbelief, like your mind can’t fully accept it, thinking, “how did this even happen?” “it doesn’t feel real,” or “I keep forgetting they’re gone,” can come with the early stages of grief. 

That’s because pain of loss can feel too big or unreal to process. It can be both adaptive and important to allow ourselves to move slowly into this necessary step with compassion for what we’re trying to come to terms with. Ease and a slow pace are great ways to show care in this stage as you make your own way through feelings of shock.

Reflection in this stage can look like:

• What emotions am I experiencing right now, and what am I noticing in my body?

• How might acknowledging the reality of this loss gently, at my own pace, support me?

• How can I check in with myself and be permitted to take my time processing?

2. Pain and Guilt

As shock fades, emotions that weren’t fully realized prior may come rushing through. This can feel like varying degrees of pain for the loss and questioning how the outcome could have differed. We may look at ourselves and our role, even if it's utterly unrelated to the circumstances. 

This stage might cause us and others to feel blame or guilt, which is natural when our brains try to make sense of something that may not have a logical explanation. Be kind to yourself, and know that allowing these thoughts to be present with curiosity instead of acting on them with self-judgement is part of moving through grief. 

Reflection in this stage can look like:

• What specific moments or memories bring up the most emotional pain for me?

• Are there things I wish I had done or said differently? How can I offer myself compassion and forgiveness as I process these feelings? If I can’t find self-compassion, who is a safe and trusted person I could turn to for compassion?

• How can I release feelings of guilt that may not be fair or helpful to carry? Am I ready to do this?

3. Anger and Bargaining

As you process, you may start to feel a new wave of emotions that reflect anger about what happened or bargaining about what it would take to get things back to the way they were. You might ask yourself, “what if I had done this differently?,” “If I do this, would things go back?,” or “life is unfair.” 

Feelings of anger, like grief, is a form of love and care trying to find a place to go. Sometimes, these thoughts are a way of figuring out where to place the emotional waves coming up, and they don’t always make sense. Seeing this anger and bargaining stage as a time of deep care trying to find its way to the surface is a way to build understanding, whether you’re feeling the anger or receiving it from someone else.

Reflection in this stage can look like:

• What am I angry about, and how can I express this anger in a safe and constructive way?

• Can I let my feelings out on paper or in a voice note I never send to feel that sense of release?

• Are there "what if" or "if only" thoughts I find myself returning to? How do these affect me emotionally?

4. Feeling Depressed or Lonely

Any absence can feel like a part of us is missing, and in the process of rebuilding and healing, it's normal to have moments where the grief feels isolating or overwhelmingly sad. It may feel more challenging to see the good or feel happy, and you may withdraw from the things you once enjoyed because your energy is focused on processing your loss. Feelings of emptiness are symptoms of grief in this stage.

This is when you open yourself to connection with others, which can make you feel supportive and allow you to hold space to express what’s coming up. Most importantly, feeling sad isn’t something you should feel ashamed of or try to suppress. Sometimes, it must come out in a big wave to feel ready for the healing stages.

Reflection in this stage can look like:

• What ways am I carrying intense sadness as either mental or physical symptoms I can notice showing up? 

• What comes to mind when I think about rituals around my grief?

• What can I do for myself right now, and what can I ask others to help me with?

• What can I do to nurture my mind and body when I’m feeling lonely? 

5. The Upward Turn

Emotional processing can be challenging, but what happens when we release is mending and openness to what life after grief looks like. It doesn’t mean we forget, but the grief doesn’t feel as heavy as it once did. This is a stage when you may notice thoughts are more precise, and moments of calm are a bit easier to access. 

It’s all about finding our footing in how life looks now, and this is when being gentle is so impactful. Rebuilding takes time, too, and it’s okay for other emotions like sadness to resurface without feeling like the good moments are gone. It’s all a balance.

Reflection in this stage can look like:

• Have I noticed any small moments where the weight of grief feels lighter? What specifically helped me access that feeling?

• What brings me a sense of calm or clarity as I continue this healing process?

• How can I honor my progress while still permitting myself to grieve?

6. Reconstruction and Working Through

As life with the balance of remembering the sadness and moving forward continues, you may enter a stage where you feel ready to piece life back together. It doesn’t mean recreating the life that existed before. 

Still, it can be an empowering place to see what you’ve learned about yourself, your values, and relationships in the grieving process to align all areas of life to that core foundation. This stage is about practical steps forward and reflection to be intentional about the season of life you’re moving into whether it's new relationships, returning to daily activities, or embracing the natural process of growth that can come after painful emotions subside.

Reflection in this stage can look like:

• What practical steps can I take to rebuild parts of my life that this loss has impacted?

• What have I learned about myself?

• How am I learning to integrate these insights into my new reality?

7. Acceptance and Hope

Lastly, grief can come to a place where it becomes a regular part of your memories without being a barrier to daily life. It’s not forgetting the loss but honoring it and living in a way that carries it with you in a resilient way. In this stage, we are open to new experiences and can see possibilities ahead without the fog that may exist in prior stages. It’s a time to release the guilt of moving on, knowing you will always have space to remember the lessons and love you gained. 

Reflection in this stage can look like:

• What does acceptance look and feel like for me right now?

• In what ways have I grown or changed through this grief journey?

• How can I honor the memory of what I’ve lost while also embracing hope for the future?

Loving Reminders for the Grieving Process

• Your grief is as unique as you are: There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s okay if your feelings don’t follow a clear path—just let them unfold in their own time. Be gentle with yourself. Our unique cultural identities and histories shape our experience of experiencing and expressing grief, too. 

• Healing doesn’t mean letting go: Moving forward doesn’t mean leaving your love or memories behind. They’ll always be part of you, carried with tenderness as you find your way to feeling whole again.

• Your body feels your grief too: Grief can show up as tiredness, tension, loss of appetite or aches. Take extra care of yourself in a healthy way with rest, nourishment, and small moments of kindness. Your body needs your love right now.

• Grief is love, too: All the big feelings you have—sadness, longing, even anger—are rooted in love. Let that love remind you of how deeply you’ve cared and guide you through each step.

Leaning on Your Support System

Support for grief can look many different ways. Maybe it's leaning into family members, turning to spirituality and a higher power, or community support groups. It can also be seeking support from a mental health professional with space to explore what's coming up for you.

At Modern Therapy, we understand that grief is as unique as the love it stems from. We’re here to provide a safe, compassionate space for you to explore the many layers of your experience. Whether you’re seeking tools for coping, a place to share your story, or someone to walk alongside you, we are here to support you through every stage of your grief journey. 

Professional help can feel strange if you're stepping into it for the first time, but rest assured we love to connect with you and learn more about you to help you navigate your grief process in the way that makes the most sense.

Frequently Asked Questions: Seven Grief Stages

Which stage of grief is the hardest?

The hardest stage of grief completely depends on the person and the nature of their loss. For some, the early stages, like shock and denial, can feel the hardest because the reality of the loss hasn’t fully sunk in yet, and everything feels surreal. For others, the deep sadness and feelings of hopelessness around the bargaining stage of grief might feel like the heaviest part. It can also be the anger stage, especially if there are a lot of unresolved feelings or unanswered questions tied to the loss.

The truth is each stage presents its own challenges and opportunities to understand yourself and your processing style. What feels hardest now might shift over time, and it’s all valid and deserving of compassion.

How long do the seven stages of grief last?

While we completely understand why the answer to how long the stages of grief last would feel comforting, there’s really no set timeline for how long any stage will last. Some people may feel like they’re moving through stages reasonably quickly, while others might spend weeks, months, or even longer in one stage or revisit stages they thought they’d already moved past. It’s also common that some people will skip stages altogether.

It’s important to let the process unfold at its own pace. Remember that healing isn’t linear, and grief softens with time, but it often becomes something we learn to carry, rather than something that disappears entirely. Be patient with yourself—you’re healing in the way that’s right for you.

Do the stages of grief happen in order?

Not at all (confusing, right?). Grief is rarely neat or predictable, making it so important to learn yourself and your process. What matters isn’t the order but allowing yourself to experience whatever comes up, knowing it's what your body and mind need to release and work through a wave of new or intense emotions.