Childcare: The Biggest “Yes, But” to Finding Time For Your Relationship
You may love the sound of a romantic date night on the town. A short getaway to the Texas hill country might sound heavenly. And a couples intensive workshop may just be what your relationship needs to help you feel confident as you enter this huge transition in your lives. Cue the, “yes buts…”
Yes, but who is going to watch the kids?
Yes, but who is going to be in charge of organizing the childcare?
Yes, but I don’t want another thing on my list.
Yes, but where do I even start?
We are all about the intentional and purposeful work of prioritizing and nurturing your relationship and learning how to manage any twists, turns, and challenges that life throws you as a team. We know that navigating childcare has its own unique twists and turns that can serve as a barrier to providing your relationship the space and attention it needs. Thus, let’s begin our couples work now and consider how you can approach the issue of finding childcare as a team.
How to Address childcare as a team
Step 1: On your own, take the time to consider the following questions
What may make this hard for my partner? (e.g., I know leaving the kids is never easy for her, and she often feels guilty anytime we are away from them)
How may I make this hard for my partner? (e.g., I can procrastinate planning things and wait till the last minute, which usually leads to us scrambling)
What can I do to help my partner in this situation? (e.g., knowing that he or she may feel some guilt and fear being away from the kids, I can begin the conversation by asking how he or she is feeling before jumping straight to logistics)
Quick Note: While we’re discussing childcare right now, these questions can be helpful to reflect on before any important conversation you have with your partner.
Step 2: Take turns to ask the following questions
When you are feeling connected to your partner, take turns reflecting on the question below. Keep the responses from the previous questions in mind as you navigate how to support your partner as you address the issue of childcare as a team.
Who in our network/community/village could we look to for support?
Which new people/places/organizations could we connect with to look to for support?
Ideas to get you started:
Local Facebook groups (e.g., Heights Sitters and Nannies)
One-day camps (e.g., NASA has one-day camps across age groups)
How do we want to distribute the action steps that need to be taken to make this happen?
When do we want to have these steps completed?
Let’s help future us out. Knowing each other and ourselves well, are there any immediate barriers that come to mind we can be mindful of now?
“I know I may have a really hard time leaving the kids that day, so can you be in charge of drop-off?”
“Let’s make sure we both get a good night’s sleep the day before so we can make the most of our time together”
Saying Yes to Investing in Your Family
Let’s address one remaining “yes, but” you may be sitting with. “Yes, but is it worth it?” Is it worth it to jump through the logistical gymnastics of arranging childcare, is it worth the financial investment, is it worth choosing this over watching the latest Netflix binge on the couch (again)? We’re a little biased, but our answer is a resounding yes.
Attempts to focus on each other in your traditional home environment are filled with distractions, from the occasional cries echoing from the baby monitor to the pile of dishes from your family’s dinner glaring behind your partner’s head. To dedicate the focused, intentional time your relationship deserves and requires, it will take a moment to put yourselves first and trust that the childcare arrangements that allow you to do it will pay off tenfold as you emerge stronger as a family for formative years in your little ones’ lives.
Taking the opportunity now to dedicate focused, intentional time to understanding your partner and sharing yourself with the person you love is a decision you can continue to feel the value of well into the future. We invite you to open yourself to the possibility of what can be with time to look inward and recenter around your most confident, empowered, and loving selves.
Love,
Your MT Couples Therapists