An Open Conversation on Parenting Through Big School Transitions
When your child walks across a graduation stage into a new chapter, your entire family may experience a shift of new emotions and thoughts about the future right alongside them. As a parent or guardian, you might have an intention that you’ve set for the way your child will grow through important milestones like a school transition, and today we’ve brought you a beautiful interview that can support you as you help them feel that intention at every stage to come.
That mix of emotions from pride to grief is so normal when you envision your relationship with your child as they walk closer to adulthood, and we’re here to honor them all. The MT team had the pleasure of grabbing some intentional time with our life-giving, life-loving, life coach Beth Anderson to grab her thoughts on emerging to be fully present and immersed in this rewarding season.
Meet Life Coach, Beth Anderson
As a parent of graduating twins from middle school this year, and a life coach for many parents here at Modern, we felt so called to explore Beth’s perspective about honoring every emotion that might arise when kids enter a new phase of their lives, the way parents can create the relationship with their kids that feels most fulfilling, and how to love on yourself through those moments.
Beth is always here to bring that much-needed exhale to remind us that we’re all human and have a beautiful potential to unlock when we can give ourselves grace and get clear about what we want in life. We can’t wait to share her wisdom with all of you today!
Q: To kick us off here, would you be open to sharing some of your own experience watching your twins graduate this year?
Coach Beth: Absolutely! So as I thought about this and reflected deeply into what I was feeling and thinking, I started to also zoom out to what we were feeling as a family unit. For me personally, this is such an exciting time and I think it’s because of how much I care about being present and in this stage with them both. What I found to be even more interesting though were the answers I got from Marielle and Peyton when I asked them on their graduation day to put themselves in their mama’s shoes and tell me what they think I’m feeling and what they need to feel supported and loved in this stage of their lives.
“I think you are very proud of us, but you are also nervous about the adventure we are about to take. You help us by giving us advice, which is the main reason I made it to graduation from middle school. You’re not just a life coach for your job, but for the family and people around you.”
- Marielle
“I would think my mom would be really proud of me. She has worked so hard to raise good kids and make a safe and secure home for us. She always wants the best for us and makes sure we feel loved. I felt how my mom was loving me for my graduation and how much excitement she has for us and our futures.
Something that is really helpful is when my mom checks in on us and makes us feel loved. She makes sure we are doing okay physically and mentally. She is always so thoughtful and kind to us, making us feel secure. I would say checking in is one of the most helpful things to show you love us and are the best mom.”
-Peyton
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but this brought me to tears!
Q: Speaking of tears, what emotions can we normalize for parents during these types of transitions?
Coach Beth: This is such a good question, and I’ll start out by saying that there is no “right” or “wrong” emotion to feel when you watch your child walk a new and exciting path, whether that be graduation or another big milestone. Every emotion you might feel during this time is so special and gives you important information about yourself, what you need, and what you might be seeking in the relationship you’ll establish as your children progress in their educational journeys.
Some of the many emotions that may arise in your body are:
Pride & Excitement: You may have a deep sense of pride as you watch your child successfully navigate the educational journey and bring every lesson and experience you’ve given them to such an incredible achievement. Important milestones reflect their growth and dedication and validate your love and intention.
Nostalgia: Thinking about what’s ahead might bring memories of what came before this moment for your family and your child. Maybe you’re thinking about your own school milestones or the opportunities you’ve provided your child in their educational experience thus far. It’s completely normal to picture your high school or middle school graduate in their kindergarten cap and gown or reminisce as a family on the challenging moments that shaped the path to this very day.
Uncertainty: Alongside excitement and joy for a school milestone, you might feel nervous about the adventure you’re about to experience. You could think about how your child will adapt, build new connections, or navigate independently. Worrying about your child may be your deep love and care for their wellbeing as they build trust in the relationship.
Q: What can a parent do if they’re experiencing waves of grief and sadness within the emotional mix?
Coach Beth: Heavier emotions can arise when you sense something coming to an end, but it’s also so healing to remember that this is also a new door opening for everyone. Many parents can feel a tinge of sadness around graduation, especially if it involves moving away for college or transitioning into a place where they are more independent. The grief of losing routines and experiences you share together can mix in with pride and excitement for what’s to come.
It might feel like you want to push aside or hide any sadness and grief during an exciting time for your family, but I invite you today to take your moment here and feel those emotions. It can be so helpful to be curious about what might be causing them and move to a place of acceptance that new feelings are a beautiful expression of being a parent. Tuning to what you may need to feel great about your next step together can open great conversations with your child and peace in the opportunity to build the desired relationship.
Q: This time of year can feel like such a whirlwind. How do parents stay present for their children and these big moments?
Coach Beth: Choosing to be present with your children in the stage that they’re in is an incredible gift we can give as parents. Something I always talk about with my clients is the power of being where their feet are and feeling truly intentional about what they need in the moment.
I see so many lovely parallels between that concept and how it feels to be a parent of a child undergoing a big change. It’s the skills we practice and commit to as parents that can help radiate more light into our children.
Nostalgia or grief for the past and uncertainty or excitement about the future can sometimes remove us from where our children are today. It goes far for the relationship to adore them where they are and continue to practice that presence as they move into the coming years.
Q: Do you find it challenging to navigate the outside perception of what it’s like to parent through adolescence?
Coach Beth: This is something I feel so deeply about and would love to share on so thank you for asking. Kids always want to feel our love, support, and understanding. Especially in the pre- and teenage years, when many school milestones happen, they may question themselves a bit more.
In a time when society may add to a narrative that teen children are harder to handle, we have a beautiful place to step in and reaffirm that as their parents, we are always in their corner and will do anything to make them feel loved and appreciated even while navigating new situations, hormones, and obstacles together.
Q: What would be a few of your most cherished tips for parents who want to make their child feel seen and appreciated during adolescence and large school milestones?
Coach Beth: I truly believe that the small habits we practice every day add up to the biggest impact on the way they feel understood and loved. Every parent has their own philosophy, and that’s so special. I’m happy to share a few tips I’ve personally loved with my twins, but also encourage you to lean into what feels good for you and where you’re at always.
1. Create an intention for how you want your child to feel in this stage
Every stage offers us a new moment to get clear on what we’d love our relationship to look like with our children, and like any other important goal, it’s wonderful to begin from a place of intention setting.
Some questions you might reflect on can be:
What would your child say if someone asked how you make them feel?
What would they say they want more of?
What would they say they want less of?
You can start to think about how you’d like them to answer these questions if that isn’t in alignment with the realistic responses, and see how you play a role in those feelings to get intentional about everything you do daily to influence that.
2. Create a ritual of loving check-ins
Something so simple but impactful is showing your presence in any way you can. I often check in with the twins and ask them deeper questions that look something like this:
If you used a 1-10 rating, what number would best describe how you feel you’re doing mentally, physically, and emotionally?
What can I do to support you?
What are you feeling proud of right now about yourself?
What is something that’s feeling stressful for you?
What is one thing that I could do as a parent this next week to make you feel supported and loved?
Now, you can take their hand and walk through whatever might be coming up healthily. Opening a more intentional dialogue can help your kids feel like you understand them and truly care about how they are doing on every level, even if they aren’t showing it every day.
You can also use the responses to build on and help them develop a wonderful habit of being in tune with their body and mind. You might also find it helpful to begin with a journal that your child can fill out and return to the next day so they have space and time to begin processing what it's like to tune in. Even if all you’re doing is sitting with them each night to be available and hear about their day, that presence can be so powerful in making them feel wanted, heard, and important.
3. Find more ways to adore them
Maybe your child does something around the house, or you see them interact with someone else with a kind gesture. Imagine responding to those everyday moments with phrases like:
“I just sometimes watch you, and I’m thinking what an amazing human you are, I’m just so proud of you”
“I see your strength and compassion, the strength of being so thoughtful or a leader”
When you call out the characteristics that are unique to them, you build their self-esteem and confidence. This practice can also build a new bond where they feel seen by you and truly appreciated for being themselves, especially in stages where they may feel more misunderstood than ever. The validation of their inner values and strengths is what can carry into each new chapters they enter.
4. Become a student of each stage your children experience
Each new stage your child enters will be different, and it’s special when you can learn more about it from your personal experiences with your kids and not just what you can find online or what other parents are sharing. It’s so fun to be a student of what’s happening in their development, brains, and bodies, to meet them with compassion, and guide them through new unknowns they may experience.
5. Speak intentionally about the future
Lastly, as we’re thinking about graduations or school milestones as the door to a new adventure, we have an opportunity to speak so much blessing on the future. The uncertainty and nervous energy that you might feel as a parent can be shared with your children, but what creates an outlook of hope and potential is bringing in some positive language about what’s ahead and why the empowering characteristics your child holds will support them in anything that comes next.
Imagine what it would feel like to hear consistent messages such as:
“You are so hardworking”
“I have no doubt in you through any twists and turns”
“I just really see how consistent you are in this”
“Your presence in this stage is going to be such a gift to you for the rest of your life”
The voice we have as parents in these transitions is one they can keep with them when self-doubt or fear may creep in, bringing your children back to that love and support.
Finding Peace in Intention and Presence
This is a time you’ll always remember and share with your child in such a special way. Every child’s journey is unique, and their individuality can be a celebration in itself. Any opportunity you have to practice emotional awareness and be with your feelings can set a tone for how your child is moving through life’s new journeys with their self-appreciation and ability to ask for what they need.
We wish you all the best in this beautiful moment.
