Holiday Self Care Strategies for Complex Family Dynamics
When you think about the upcoming holiday season, it may bring out a lot of emotions from joy to frustration. We also know how that beautifully complex relationship with self may come out during this time too. Family dynamics often come to the surface and can shine a light on the boundaries (or lack of) that we really need to care for ourselves while spending more time around other people.
Stress, anxiety, and other emotions can feel amplified when interactions with people, places, and memories increase. If you’re feeling more drained than delighted, know that you’re seen and held here. Even if you can’t wait for what’s ahead, you may relate to needing some clear lines between being “on” and self care. How we nourish ourselves can look different for everyone, but prioritizing your well-being among the festivities and gatherings can help manage complex dynamics with friends and family around the holidays.
And yes, it’s SO easy to talk about self-care and feel a little lost on how to actually apply the many tips and advice you can find online. That’s why we’re bringing you our favorite takeaways from a recent free community chat on self-care strategies, mindshifts, and small practices specific to our people needing quick and actionable ways to honor what they need in heightened moments of stress or dysregulation. Dr. Sunita Osborn got real about what it feels like to balance your time and well.. everything else that comes with the holidays, and we turned our favorite takeaways into this quick read for you.
8 Self Care Strategies to Protect Your Peace During the Holidays
1. Set yourself up for success with foundational physical health needs
Sure, the holidays aren’t the easiest time for some people to stick to consistent health routines. At the same time, looking at ways to get creative about what you need to feel your best physically is a self-care strategy you can think about leading up to and during moments when family dynamics feel particularly challenging.
There’s no doubt you know what your basic needs are, but y’all, it’s so easy to put things like quality sleep, physical activity, hydration, and nutrition on the back burner. I mean, sometimes just getting dressed fully is a win when kids are running around, or work has you clocking overtime to wrap up those year-end projects.
So no, we’re not saying this is the perfect time to start your healthiest routine yet (although it could be, do you!). We’re sharing a loving reminder that those small acts of keeping our physical wellbeing on the priority list can feel much more empowering in the holiday bustle. Even just a quick walk or some gentle stretching can be a game-changer. We know it can feel impossible to take more time out of your day, but the 5-10 minutes you take to nurture your body is well worth the hours of renewed energy you may feel as you embrace everything else you have going on.
A few other areas to reflect on as you think about what helps you feel your best might be:
Are there foods you like to lean into that help you feel nourished?
How can you prioritize hydration (especially when alcohol or more caffeine than usual is involved)?
Can you share an activity with family that would be healthy for everyone (e.g., family walk after dinner, anyone?)
Are you comfortable sharing your preferences about meals, drinking, and sleep?
Can you keep a soft sweatshirt, blanket, or other item close to feel comfortable?
If you’re still like “My brain can’t remember anything more right now”, we got you! Don’t underestimate the power of good sleep, giving your body time to recharge with an extra focus on winding down and keeping your room cool, dark, and quiet. Tools like the Calm app are fantastic for slowing down at night and ensuring you get restful sleep during this busy time.
We’re always here to help you carve out realistic habits that work with your current routine with mind-body wellness coaching.
2. Prioritize check ins and attuning to your emotional wellbeing
Holiday gatherings and year-end work obligations can bring out a lot of stress (the kind of wishing you could escape to a Hallmark movie for the month), which financial stress, chaotic schedules, and family or friendship drama can amplify. There’s a lot of pressure to show up, and let’s be honest: sometimes, there are some very unrealistic expectations. That’s why tuning in regularly to ask how you’re doing (really!) is so important. If we muscle through these small moments of stress, it can quickly pile into burnout and feel too heavy to maintain.
Like physical health, you can incorporate proactive ways to care for your emotional and mental health. Exploring mindfulness practices and opportunities for self-reflection to attune to your needs that resonate will help you have that extra layer of care to tap into when you feel things getting overwhelming. Choosing to inhale deeply in the morning, step away from gatherings to have a minute alone, or take a social media-free moment with a cup of tea can do wonders.
What if I don't have time for meditation or a longer grounding practice?
Again, we totally get it if you’re feeling a wall come up around adding anything new into your days right now. The most important thing is to reflect on what helps you feel your most grounded and, perhaps, rather than adding something new, you can amplify something that already works for you. Find warm showers at the end of the day restorative? Great, make sure they don’t get dropped from your routine during the holidays and maybe even add some music to amplify their restorative effects.
If you’re feeling many big emotions, it can also be helpful to practice gratitude. Turning your focus to what you have in front of you and the parts of life that ignite your sense of purpose despite challenging circumstances or aspects of life that are outside of your control can shift your whole mindset (even just for a bit and even when the gratitude is directed towards seemingly small things such as gratitude towards a cooling breeze in Houston or the new podcast episode you get to listen to). These intentional moments of gratitude have a way of helping us zoom out long enough to gain perspective and regulate our nervous systems.
A few ideas for gratitude practices you can explore for inspiration
Monthly gratitude jar: Write out one thing you’re grateful for at the end of each day and drop it into a mason jar that you can look through and reflect on at the end of each month. This helps you think about what areas of life where gratitude is abundant and look for it in your day-to-day life.
Weekly appreciation: Choose someone to reach out to unexpectedly at the end of each week to share your gratitude for who they are and how they support you.
Daily mirror talk: As you brush your teeth or get ready each day, put a little reminder in your mirror to look at your reflection and think of one way you’re grateful for how your mind and body showed up for you.
-> For anyone feeling curiosity about gratitude, we have a new event you might enjoy: Grounded & Grateful: 2 Practical ways to Find Calm When Time is Flying & There’s So Much To Do
3. Reconnect with what fills you up to find release
Sometimes, we can’t anticipate what may dysregulate us or leave us drained, and it can feel like our mood and stress levels change so quickly. While proactive practices to check in with yourself will help you stay balanced, sometimes we also need to have a game plan for the healthy outlets we can turn to when we need to renew energy and refill that empty tank.
This is a time to go deep and reflect on what truly brings you joy. Maybe it’s a fun hobby like reading, baking, playing games, or crafting. And maybe it’s time to wind down with a good movie that brings fond memories of childhood nostalgia. For some, this may actually be spending time in connection with others and leaning into family or a partner that feels grounding. Think about any situation where your body relaxes, your breath deepens, and your guards go down.
Once you have a list of a few ways you can feel re-energized, you can make plans to tap into them whenever you need to, depending on the situation.
This may look like:
Asking your nephew to do a puzzle together after a heavy conversation with your parents
Putting on your favorite light-hearted playlist on the drive to a situation that has you particularly anxious
Getting involved in the food prep and display at family gatherings to engage differently when you're heading into a long day together
Planning a restorative yoga class to start your day and have some time to yourself before entertaining or visiting others
4. Lean into the most generous interpretation
Okay, so we know how to take care of our wellbeing, but how else can we process some of the very real emotions that can come up when family dynamics start causing some chaos? It can be really helpful to approach situations where other people are leading you to feel frustrated or upset with something called the most generous interpretation that comes from Dr. Becky Kennedy of the Good Inside podcast.
Imagine you're watching your uncle talk badly about your cousin, or your grandmother is making a comment that hits a nerve. Rather than letting it get you elevated to the point of not being able to enjoy the time together, try viewing it with an extra dose of compassion. Maybe your uncle is just looking for a way to connect and have a conversation, or your grandmother’s comment comes from a place of insecurity. It’s not always easy to look deeper, but you can access peace within yourself by doing so. The goal here is not to overlook and forgive words or behavior that go against your values, but rather to help you reach a grounded and compassionate place so you can respond centered in your values.
Taking a more gentle and soft approach to prickly social interactions helps inform your reaction and your relationship with your family members or partner. It can also apply to your reactions around family, even if you can’t identify the catalyst. For example, you might be irritable at a dinner party because being around your sister brings up some challenging childhood memories. Suppose you can give yourself the benefit of the doubt and see that you may have a protector part showing up as irritability in that moment. In that case, you can intentionally shift that lens without judging yourself as harshly.
If family dynamics cause you to feel less grounded, those aspects are likely impacting others in your family, too. The most generous interpretation acknowledges that emotions and stress affect the people we may be running into friction with and finds a way to hold compassion for the way they’re reacting.
We love how Dr. Sunita Osborn explained this in her recent chat:
5. Set boundaries gently and with care
You might start to notice that caring for your physical and emotional wellbeing might mean saying no to people or carving out time to do what fills you up. And if that scares the sh*t out of you or makes you sweat a little, you’re not alone. Y’all, it’s so hard sometimes to assert boundaries, especially with people who know you well and have historically known how to push those boundaries.
The truth is, asking for what you need around the holidays can bring out many reactions from the people you’re setting them with. Even though it’s hard not to know what to expect when the last thing you want is to upset someone, it’s important to remember that sharing your needs is a way to connect deeper and help you show up fully when you’re spending time with people.
Bringing mindfulness to boundary setting for holiday self care
Not sharing boundaries can feel like acting fine or pushing down how we feel to accommodate others or seem easygoing. Meanwhile, we can slowly drain inside and become resentful. So, what if you could gently approach a balance that helps you feel your best and communicate respectfully?
Some ways this may sound include:
That concert is going to be SO fun for you guys! I’m taking things slow this month so that I won’t be at this one, but I can’t wait to see you all at dinner next weekend.
Being with everyone is so nice, and I will head to my room for some downtime by 9 pm each night so that I can show up fully every day for the fun events we have planned as a family.
If anyone’s interested in breakfast tomorrow, I’d love to help put something special together after I do my morning self-care routine. I’ll be ready to go by 9:30 a.m.
Sure, there may be some poor reactions, but even if only one person resonates or you can ease your mind about something that helps you feel your best, it’s worth it. Disrespected boundaries never feel good, but the alternative is not communicating boundaries, which almost guarantees they won’t be respected.
If boundary setting is new for you, other people may actually feel inspired to follow suit and ask for what they need, especially if you tell them explicitly that this is a new skill you are working on and could use their help. The most important thing is to try it out and hold firm on things you need while showing enthusiasm for spending time with people who mean a lot so they can see your needs do not mean they are being dismissed.
6. Find that balance between socializing and solitude
If you crave alone time and recharging in social situations, the holidays may bump up against your comfort zone a bit (any other introverts thinking about this?) So, how do you balance time to yourself, whether doing something or just being still with yourself, and getting quality time with family and friends?
Boundaries help here, but you can also plan to find what that ideal balance would be for you specifically. Only you know what you need regarding time for yourself and how you tend to feel around the people you may have plans with around the holidays.
How can I deal with holiday stress without isolating myself from family?
It can feel really grounding to take time with the following reflection questions:
How do I feel when I’m with certain people? Who helps me feel at home, and who tends to leave me needing a moment alone?
How much will I need to recharge after I spend time here? Can I schedule time for that now?
Is there a way I’ll need to prepare with time to myself before I go?
Does my calendar over the next few weeks match where I’m at energetically? What could shift?
Do I need to create calendar blocks purely for self-time and recharge?
What would be a good split for me as I look ahead to November and December?
Holidays can be a whirlwind of social gatherings, but taking breaks is okay. Balance the energy of parties with quiet nights, maybe curled up with a good book or a cozy movie. Make sure your holiday schedule includes time for both fun and relaxation—these quiet moments are essential for staying emotionally balanced.
7. Enjoy mindful indulgence
Let’s just say that stress and emotions will absolutely ebb and flow. Even if you apply every tip here, it’s only natural to see some fluctuation in mood as the holidays unfold. That’s what makes it important to recognize how we indulge and embrace mindful ways to celebrate without turning to festive fun to mask what we’re feeling or disconnect from ourselves.
For many people, the holidays revolve around food, treats, and drinking. If you’re experiencing a particularly stressful or complex time with family and friends, it’s helpful to see how that correlates with your indulgent activities.
Managing the relationship between stressors and indulgence
It's helpful to see the difference between being super present and savoring a moment as part of your holiday memories and being a little bit checked out, leaning on overindulgence to process or forget about what’s coming up inside of you.
Mindful indulgence is finding ways to seek things that bring comfort and support you with intention. It’s choosing to enjoy pleasures like food, relaxation, entertainment, and time with others with full awareness and appreciation for the whole sensory experience.
So yes, we’re definitely saying go for that cozy treat your relatives make each year, but from a place of total enjoyment and connection to the memory you’re making. If other activities make you feel like you’re trying to escape from the moment, that’s a good place to get curious and be more gentle with yourself and your needs as you navigate.
8. Set intentions and lead with your needs
If we don’t define what we need for our holidays and associated experiences to be the best they can be, other people can do that for us. Waiting to determine what you want to get out of your time with others can make communicating your boundaries and needs harder.
So, what if you took a moment to reflect on this for anything coming up?
Reflection questions to be kind to yourself during the holidays:
What type of experience do you want this to be? (e.g., connecting, meaningful, fun)
What would it look like to fulfill that experience?
What can you do to prepare yourself with self-care tools in your back pocket to make that happen?
It can feel SO empowering to define this within your own mind so that you can communicate it openly to others. Setting intentions can lead you to the most impactful actions for self care and nourishing your physical and emotional health.
For example, I may set an intention of “I want my family baking day to be a connecting experience. That would mean sharing stories as a group and asking meaningful questions. To do that, I know I’ll need to have time to myself the night before to recharge and show up fully, and I may also want to create a fun playlist to help me feel excited as I’m setting up. I also may anticipate that if my social battery is becoming drained, I can always run to the store for ingredients or take the dogs for a walk to get some air.
Here’s another clip from Dr. Sunita Osborn’s recent chat to walk you through this:
Design Your Tailored Self Care Strategies
If family dynamics, grief, or complex relationships feel at the top of your mind right now, remember that taking care of yourself is in your control and can empower you to show up in the best way possible.
Setting aside time to honor your needs in a time of year that pulls us in every other direction is a way to stay grounded and resilient, even when things feel more complicated. This is a time to take in that deep permission to set boundaries, take a breath, and prioritize what makes you feel safe, happy, and at ease.
Sometimes, it's the smallest things, like getting better sleep (a nap counts!), that we can access in turbulent times, and other times, you may feel more called to proactively plan your self-care practice. There’s no right or wrong way to go about it because simply wanting to protect your peace is an act of self-love that can guide you to the next best choice in any situation.
Feel Surrounded by Support
It may feel like making these self-care strategies realistic or setting boundaries is a challenge that you can use some support for. You might also find yourself curious about going deeper into the dynamics within your family and your reaction to certain situations and personalities. Modern Therapy’s team of therapists and coaches is always here to surround you with people in your corner to help you with any areas that would make this holiday season and the following months more fulfilling and aligned with your values.
