How to Explain Depression to Someone Who Wants to Support
Depression can feel like a totally overwhelming, taboo, or sensitive topic to talk openly about. That’s because on top of being a challenging time to navigate, depression is experienced so differently by everyone. Understanding is such a powerful way to support someone with depression, and it also takes some time and thoughtfulness.
Whether you’re trying to explain your experience of depression to someone who wants to support you or you’re looking to wrap your arms around a loved one who’s feeling depressed, we want to help open up the conversation together.
Open and honest communication can bring more connection and healing. We’ll talk about some tools and insights to navigate these conversations with care and compassion that can foster a sense of empowerment for anyone impacted by depression.
How to explain depression to someone
Depression, or major depressive disorder, can feel like persistent sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness that lasts weeks, months, or even longer. That’s why it can have a big effect on daily life and the way someone relates to themselves, the environment, their work, and other people.
Beyond an occasional sadness, depression doesn’t always have a reason and that can make it feel more isolating as things that normally are enjoyable feel less interesting or more exhausting. We’ll also reiterate that there are many types of depression that can and do manifest differently in everyone. Some people experience only a few symptoms while others feel swarmed by many at once.
Let’s talk about how we form our understanding of depression as individuals, to continue building compassion for anyone entering into an honest conversation about it all.
Stepping towards a deeper understanding of help with depression
Depression is harder to fully understand for anyone unfamiliar with mental health challenges because it is such a deeply personal experience that’s often difficult to put into words. We tend to define depression by what we observe in the people around us, but it manifests differently for everyone. Severe depression won’t look like a moderate season of low mood and lack of energy. Similarly, different types of depression can be time-based, like seasonal affective disorder.
You might have a family member with clinical depression who shuts down and is hard to reach for days when they’re experiencing the lows, while someone else might see their partner navigate postpartum depression by becoming exhausted with no appetite. While these are only two of many ways depression can show up, they highlight how coping with low moments isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience.
Cultural considerations
Culture also plays a significant role in how depression is experienced and expressed. In some cultures, emotional distress is described more through physical symptoms rather than explicitly naming emotions. For example, individuals from some Asian backgrounds may report fatigue, headaches, or digestive issues rather than saying they feel depressed.
Similarly, in some Latinx communities, there may be a stronger emphasis on family and community support, which can sometimes make it difficult for individuals to acknowledge personal struggles with depression out of fear of burdening loved ones. In cultures where emotional resilience and self-reliance are highly valued, individuals may be more likely to internalize their struggles rather than seek professional help.
Recognizing these cultural nuances is essential in expanding our understanding of depression and ensuring that support is accessible and meaningful for everyone. Many people confuse depression with feeling sad or having a rough period in life, which isn’t something to judge or feel bad about. Instead, we can begin shifting our understanding of depression as a legitimate condition with peaks and valleys, affecting millions of individuals worldwide in deeply personal and culturally influenced ways.
Depression and the mind-body connection
While depression is considered technically a mental illness, it can certainly impact a person’s mind and body equally. A combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors can make depression a multifaceted challenge.
Just as a broken leg can’t be walked off and takes time to heal, depression is something that requires time and potentially a variety of healing modalities to feel more manageable.
Some physical symptoms of depression:
Fatigue or low energy for daily activities, even after resting
Changes in sleep (insomnia or excessive sleeping)
Appetite changes (loss of appetite or overeating)
Unexplained aches and pains (headaches, muscle pain, joint pain)
Digestive issues (nausea, bloating, constipation)
Decreased libido or sexual dysfunction
Slowed movements or speech
Weakened immune system (getting sick more often)
Weight loss
Weight gain
Worsened health conditions
Increased use of alcohol, food, or other coping mechanisms
Mental and emotional depression symptoms:
Persistent sadness or emptiness
Increased intensity of mental health issues
Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed
Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things
Increased irritability or frustration with usual activities
Inability to participate in certain aspects of life
Feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope
Self-criticism or excessive guilt
Thoughts of death or suicide (in severe cases)
Common misconceptions about depression
As we continue to bring a judgement-free lens to understanding depression, it might be helpful to look at some assumptions that can exist and feel more isolating to someone who’s walking through it all.
The more we name the misunderstandings, the more thoughtful we can be when talking about depression with anyone, honoring their unique experience.
Misconception: Depression always looks like sadness
A more compassionate approach:
Signs of depression don't always show up as tears and sadness or questioning whether life is worth living. For some, it looks like exhaustion, irritability, numbness, or even overworking to avoid emotions. In some cases, depression may not be expressed through emotions at all but rather through physical symptoms or a heightened focus on responsibilities. Cultural background plays a significant role in how someone experiences and communicates their struggles, which means signs of depression can vary widely.
Just because someone seems “fine” on the outside doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling internally. Cultural expectations, personal coping mechanisms, and societal norms all shape how depression manifests. This is why it’s essential to look beyond surface appearances, listen without assumptions, and remain open to understanding how depression may show up differently for each person. By considering these nuances, we can better support the people we love and foster more open, compassionate conversations about mental health.
Misconception: Thinking positively will always help
A more compassionate approach:
It’s a beautiful intention to want to help people with depression by promoting positive thinking, and it can also come across in a way that doesn’t make people feel understood. While mindset shifts can be helpful, depression isn’t just about negative thoughts—it’s a complex condition that affects the brain, body, and emotions.
Suggesting that someone can simply "choose" happiness may dismiss the very real struggles they’re facing. We don't want to point attention to unhelpful thoughts, but rather let people take their own pace to understand what might trigger depression and how to ask for what they need.
Misconception: As long as someone’s still functioning, it’s not that bad
A more compassionate approach:
This one is SO important with professionals and the depression we might not even realize is in our workplace, or the people around us that seem to be doing it all. Many people with depression continue to go to work, take care of their families, and meet responsibilities while battling an internal struggle.
High-functioning depression is real, and just because a close relative or friend seems to be keeping up doesn’t mean they aren’t in pain and needing warmth and compassion. Social support is important, but checking in on a deeper level can reveal some major depression even in those who seem to have it all together.
Misconception: People with depression don’t want to talk about it
A more compassionate approach:
While it’s true that some may find it difficult to open up, many people with depression want to be heard, seen, and in the company of someone they can be themselves around even if they are in a depressive state. The stigma surrounding mental health can make it feel unsafe to share feelings so a compassionate, non-judgmental space can go a long way.
In a couple of weeks of just being there for someone, you may find that they become more comfortable speaking to the causes of their depression, and other mental health problems on their mind.
Misconception: You can always tell when someone is depressed
A more compassionate approach:
Depression doesn’t have one "look." Some people withdraw, while others smile through it. Many who struggle with depression learn to mask their pain, deflecting conversations to others or even cracking jokes while feeling entirely empty inside.
These are often the people who could use a loving presence to know they don’t have to do it all alone.
The importance of empathy in supporting someone with depression
Presence and willingness to listen can be incredibly comforting, so let’s talk about a few ways to show empathy in support of someone with depression. These can also be guidelines for anyone with depression to bring up to those trying to support them if anything resonates strongly.
Listening vs. solving: How to offer support
Wanting to support someone with solutions when you see them struggling is completely natural—it comes from love and a desire to help. But when it comes to depression, it’s important to recognize the value of simply listening instead of jumping to fix things, because often—there’s nothing to be “fixed.”
Well-meaning problem-solving often looks like suggesting they go for a walk, exercise, or spend time with friends—all of which can be helpful, but the very nature of depression makes it difficult to do even the things they know might help. Instead of offering solutions, try to be present with them in their experience. Let your loved one know that you are a safe space where they can come as they are and express their feelings freely, without fear of being seen as fragile or “too much.”
It may feel uncomfortable to simply name what you’re hearing—such as, “It sounds like you’re feeling really overwhelmed right now”—without immediately offering advice. But this simple acknowledgment can be incredibly powerful, showing that you genuinely listened, understood, and care without adding pressure or expectations.
Validating feelings without offering clichés
When someone does start to open up or share, you also want to be mindful of cliche phrases that might come to mind and feel like the “right” thing to share in that moment when you don’t know what else to say.
Instead of:
It could be worse
Think of the bright side
At least you’re not…
It’s not as bad as…
You should try…
Try:
"I hear you, and I’m here for you."
"That sounds really tough. How can I support you?"
"I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s okay to feel this way."
"It’s hard to know what to say, but I’m glad you’re sharing this with me so you’re not alone."
"What you’re feeling is valid, and I’m here to listen."
Showing genuine empathy might also mean asking a loved one to tell you if something you say isn’t serving them. This can be a collaboration as you learn more about what resonates and what feels like you’re not seeing them at all so that you can continue to be the presence they need most. It’s okay to say you’re new at this and share your intention to be there to support in a way that makes them feel safe.
Offer practical ways to support
In some cases, you might want to offer practical support for someone with depression who isn’t sure where to go next. This can be anything from small acts of kindness to lighten their load, or standing by their side as they explore groups, resources, and therapy for depression. With professional help, you never want to pressure someone but it can be helpful to offer looking into support with a lens of curiosity for those who are open.
When you feel it’s right or your loved one expresses the need for help, ask them how you can show up and allow them to guide you instead of offering too much too fast and risk it feeling a little overwhelming. Remember that they may not even know what they need, so if it takes time to reach out for something specific it’s not a reflection of your relationship.
Set boundaries for your well-being
While supporting a loved one through depression is such a thoughtful act, you can show up your strongest when you also prioritize your own well-being. Setting healthy boundaries makes sure that you can provide the most support possible. Opening this honest communication can also encourage your loved one to do the same about boundaries they want to express.
Healthy boundaries might look like:
Prioritizing your own self-care: Giving yourself permission to take breaks and recharge, so you can show up with compassion for both yourself and your loved one.
Kindly saying “no” when you need to: Acknowledging that it's okay to set limits, giving yourself space to rest and be present in the ways that feel right for you.
Being gentle and honest about your limits: Sharing your needs in a thoughtful way, helping both you and your loved one have clear, realistic expectations.
Encouraging them to seek support: Gently suggesting therapy or other resources, knowing that professional help can offer them the care they deserve.
Bring compassion to setbacks
It’s important not to give up or feel like things aren’t going well if setbacks happen. Moments of challenge for someone experiencing depression are sometimes part of the healing journey and when they’re met with kindness and understanding it goes a long way.
What can help the lows is celebrating any wins together and acknowledging the strength it takes to step into progress such as attending therapy, enjoying a day with other people, or simply continuing to move forward despite setbacks.
Final thoughts to build a compassionate conversation about depression together
I just want you to know—you’re not alone in this. Talking about depression isn’t easy, and if you’ve made it this far, that already says so much about your strength. I hope you take a moment to recognize that.
Even the smallest steps—acknowledging how you feel, letting someone in, or just being here—matter more than you know. You are so much more than what you’re going through, and even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, things can get lighter.
If you ever need a space to talk, to feel heard, or just to not carry it all alone, we’re here. No pressure, no expectations—just support when you’re ready. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
Frequently asked questions: How to explain depression to someone
How do you talk to someone about depression without making it worse?
Start with kindness and just be there for them. You don’t need the perfect words—just listening without judgment goes a long way. Let them take the lead in the conversation, and avoid trying to “fix” things. Sometimes, knowing they’re not alone is the most powerful support you can offer.
Can offering help ever unintentionally make someone feel more isolated?
Yeah, it can happen—especially if the help doesn’t match what they actually need. Instead of assuming, try asking, “What would feel most supportive for you right now?” Respect their boundaries and let them know you’re there, no matter what. Even just showing up for them in a way that feels right to them can make a huge difference.
What are some things you should never say to someone with depression?
Avoid phrases like “Just think positive,” “It’s not that bad,” or “You have so much to be happy about.” Even if you mean well, these can feel dismissive and isolating. Instead, try “I’m here for you,” or “That sounds really tough—do you want to talk about it?” Validation goes a long way.
How can you encourage someone to seek help without pushing them away?
The key is to make it feel like their choice, not something you’re forcing on them. You can talk about therapy or other resources as self-care rather than a last resort. Maybe say, “I know reaching out can be hard, but you don’t have to do this alone. If you ever want help finding someone to talk to, I’d be happy to help.” Keeping it open and pressure-free makes it easier for them to take that step when they’re ready.
