Why Do I Feel Lonely? Feel Seen in Seeking Connection
Feeling alone is a universal human emotion that can happen at different points in life. It can be overwhelming and confusing as you wonder if anyone notices or truly understands its weight. Sometimes, we’re lonely because of circumstances out of our control, and sometimes, it can feel this way because of something we’ve chosen for ourselves. Even when it seems like you’re more unheard or unseen than ever before, know that you are not alone in navigating this moment.
We’re here to validate how lonely it can feel and remind you of your capacity for connection, love, and healing if needed as you look ahead. This moment may feel heavy and big right now, but it can also become a time to uncover a strength inside you to build connections that align with what makes you feel whole.
You’re Not Alone if Solitude is Weighing on You
Y’all it’s HARD to admit that you’re feeling lonely sometimes or to express it without placing self-judgement or negative thoughts on yourself. Being here right now, curious about your experience and how to find a connection even when it feels so hard to access at the moment, is something you should feel so proud of.
There is an epidemic of loneliness identified by the American Psychiatric Association (APA), noting that 30% of adults in 2024 experienced feelings of loneliness at least once a week over the past year. Loneliness can happen from a young age all the way into our lives as older adults and appear in expected moments after something shifts or unexpected moments that we didn’t see coming.
When we shift from seeing loneliness as a weakness or characteristic, we can see that it is common for people to experience it at some point or another, and you’re more understood than you may believe. Disconnection in any form from the world around us, family, friends, social interactions, relationships, or colleagues, can happen when we least expect it, and it doesn’t always mean we’re not surrounded by people.
You can feel lonely in a room full of people who love you when you sense that more profound meaning and emotional connection are lacking. Other times, you can lose someone or something with whom you felt that connection and long for that type of relationship again. It’s all valid, and the ideas for forming new bonds below can be a source of new inspiration and fresh perspective that reignites hope again.
What is Loneliness? Understanding Disconnection
Okay, so we know that you know what “loneliness” means, but it may be helpful to build more understanding around what it can feel like in yourself or those around you when it’s prolonged over a period of time or feels a little bit more front of mind than usual.
Think about loneliness as a quiet aching that arises whenever you think about how you’re connected to others. Maybe it's related to someone specific, or maybe there’s no apparent reason. It can be a general feeling of disconnection and distance from everyone around you that doesn’t seem to leave your mind.
Humans are wired for connection and it's in our nature to want to belong and be included. We want to share life with others and see how we contribute to the greater community. So when that isn’t as prevalent, loneliness is a way to bring awareness to where we can focus on building back that sense of connection again in a way that feels good on our bodies and minds.
Why Do I Feel Lonely? Common Reasons the Feeling Occurs
Let’s reiterate that no two people share the same causes of loneliness, but we want to showcase the many ways this can look to welcome in any way you or someone you know may be feeling lonely at various points in life.
Life transitions: A big transition, such as moving to a new place with new people, parenthood, menopause, or career change can create distance between you and the comfort of the familiar
Loss: A falling out, a breakup, or grieving the loss of someone specific
Longing for deeper connections: Relationships lack depth or authenticity that make you feel truly connected, and it can be like no one sees the full you and social isolation is all around
Disconnection from ourselves: When we don’t feel in tune with our own needs or emotions, it is hard to connect with others, and we feel isolated even when we’re not physically alone
Social media and comparison: Seeing others’ curated, “perfect” lives and feeling like we’re the only ones struggling, missing out, or falling behind to ignite a sense of loneliness
Personal evolution: Growth in yourself and your health, career, or personal development that creates a gap in the people around you who don’t fully understand or relate to your desire to expand and evolve
Physical isolation: Being connected to others but not able to physically spend time with them such as when you’re traveling alone, studying abroad, living somewhere new, or other circumstances
Social anxiety: Having overwhelming sense of anxiety come through when around a large number of people and feeling like survival mode takes over with anyone outside of close friends that leads to a loneliness or fear of rejection
How to Cultivate Connection Even When it Feels Impossible
We completely understand if you’ve thought, “I will never find someone who gets it,” or “That connection will never be replaced.” It’s not always easy to see a path forward or feel pulled to create more connection when you’ve been left in a place of isolation before. At the same time, opening your mind to see what connection might look like for you can help you better name what you might need right now and how to start calling it in with intention.
Explore online communities
Sometimes, the most unexpected places can be home to kindred spirits or people seeking a similar level of understanding from others and exploring online groups of people who are passionate and coming together around similar interests or experiences (think breast cancer survivors, empowering small business owners, champions of diversity in the workplace, new parents, running clubs, and any other niche that feels aligned).
Build hobbies around giving back
Helping others, even when you don’t know them well, can create a sense of more profound meaning, gratitude, and connections. You might find a local or online volunteer group where everyone is new to the work of giving back and are excited to meet people who can unite through purpose as you help those in need (sites like VolunteerMatch can be a great place to start.)
Embrace learning
Focusing on a skill, creative experience, or educational class can be a great way to release intimidation about not knowing anyone and connect with an instructor and students in an organized environment. You could find a cooking or pottery class, join a new fitness center, or register for a master class to feel seen in the areas that align with your core values.
Express through creativity
Sometimes, connecting can be through the language of creativity, and putting together music, writing, poetry, photography, dance, or art feels more hands-on as we work through emotions that arise through loneliness. Sharing these works of art can help you share what’s in your heart and soul on a deeper level (no y’all, you don’t have to be a professional, and stick figures are just as effective).
Feel the love of an animal
If it feels right for you, inviting a pet or seeking time with other pets you know can be a beautiful way to experience unconditional companionship. Whether it’s through adoption or fostering, animals may bring a sense of joy and connection to your daily routine that can help fill a space of loneliness with love. And maybe you can’t bring an animal in right now; that’s okay. You might feel the same level of connection volunteering at a shelter or visiting a dog park where you can connect to pet lovers and the genuine love of an animal.
Reflect and reconnect
Sometimes we can recall old connections that have fallen out of touch or haven’t been in our lives for some time. Reaching out unexpectedly to reconnect with friends, family, or colleagues can be intimidating. Still, it can be a nice way to learn about others and have a fresh slate to introduce the full authentic version of yourself that you’ve become to someone eager to get to know more about you, too.
Turn inward to get clear on what connection means for you
There’s strength in understanding your own heart as you’re sharing it with others or repairing it from a loss or distance from someone who once occupied a large part of it. Journaling can help you connect with your inner world, giving you space to reflect on your feelings of loneliness and find clarity. Some people may find doing certain meditations or taking quiet time to be with their thoughts is a nice way to do this too.
As you reflect, it’s natural to feel uncertainty or resistance when considering how to connect. You might find yourself saying, “Yes, but…”—“Yes, I found this online book club, but everyone seems older and I’m not sure I’ll connect with them.” This inner hesitation is understandable. It can feel awkward and vulnerable to step into new spaces. Naming this part of the process can be a powerful step forward. Recognizing your “Yes, but” thoughts opens the door for deeper reflection or even therapy to help you explore the resistance and find ways to move through it with curiosity and self-compassion. These moments of self-discovery are opportunities to grow and understand what connection truly means to you, even when it feels challenging.
Celebrate the small wins
It’s easy to let expectations or comparison about what connections look like to cloud the wins you’re making as you try new ways to build social relationships around you. It’s okay not to jump into all of these ideas at once or take your time to go at a comfortable pace. Honoring each small step you make brings you closer to the connection that feels best in your heart.
It’s also worth considering that while organic connections can feel great, meaningful relationships require effort and intention. For the things that matter to us—our health, relationships, hobbies, and more—sometimes we need to put that initial effort into things in the direction of growth. This doesn’t mean the connection is any less authentic; rather, it shows that you value it enough to nurture it. Taking intentional steps, even if they feel effortful at first, can lead to deeper, more fulfilling bonds over time.
Seek understanding and a safe talkspace
In the process of building connections, you might want a space to talk about the process and gain insight into what really matters most to you. Understanding yourself and the loneliness you’re experiencing with a therapist can be an empowering way to take steps forward. There are also mental health resources that can support the effects of loneliness in a healthy way as you regain your sense of self.
Working With a Therapist to Navigate Loneliness
Support for loneliness can look so many different ways. It might mean leaning on loved ones, exploring spirituality or mindfulness, joining a community support group, or reaching out to a mental health professional. At Modern Therapy, we truly get that loneliness is deeply personal—it’s tied to your unique experiences and emotions, and it can feel overwhelming at times.
We’re here to offer a safe, caring space where you can unpack what loneliness means for you and how it’s showing up in your life. Maybe you’re looking for ways to feel more connected, a place to share and process your feelings, or simply someone to be there with you in this season. Whatever you need, we’re here to walk alongside you, step by step.
If therapy feels new or a little intimidating, that’s okay—it’s normal to feel that way. Our team is here to create a warm and understanding space where you can feel comfortable opening up. Together, we’ll help you find a path forward that feels meaningful and true to you. You don’t have to navigate this alone—support is just a conversation away.
Feeling Safe and Seen in Your Curiosities
It’s okay to have questions about feeling lonely or supporting others when they feel this way. Let’s dive into a few common curiosities together.
Is there a difference between being alone and feeling lonely?
There is a difference between being alone and feeling lonely, which are both common emotions that many of us can relate to. You might be physically alone, and yet find comfort in that space and feel recharged. Sometimes solitude gives us a chance to prioritize self care or reflect.
But feeling lonely is different, because it’s often a feeling of disconnection and discomfort that can occur when you’re physically alone or in a room full of other people. Loneliness is that deep yearning for meaningful connection, and sometimes, even in a crowd, it’s easy to feel like you're on the outside looking in. It’s important to recognize that both feelings are valid and can coexist.
What is the biggest cause of loneliness?
The biggest cause of loneliness will differ from person to person, but it’s common that it stems from a sense of not being truly seen or understood. Loneliness can arise from big life changes, disconnection from self, or the loss of someone important. At other times, loneliness can come from a deeper need for more authentic social connections—when the relationships in your life don’t quite meet the emotional needs you have.
And sometimes, the busy, fast-paced world we live in, or the curated nature of social media, can trick us into thinking we’re connected, even though we’re really longing for more meaningful bonds. As you think about when your lonely feelings began, you can take the time to tune into what might be at the root of your experience and use that to guide a path forward.
How does loneliness impact your mental health?
When loneliness takes hold, it can make other challenges like depression, anxiety, or stress feel heightened. It’s not just about being by yourself; it’s about feeling disconnected from others in a way that can leave you feeling down and by understanding your experience, you’re also supporting any mental health conditions.
Our team of therapists are always here to support you along this journey to finding the connection that means the most to you and healing from any loss or transitional periods that leave behind deeper connections we once had.
